22 November 2005

Even when I win, I lose

So I'm trying to deal with anxiety over my rank. I opened a second account, an anonymous one, and I've been thinking about putting the woodard account as no rank and using the second account to determine my rank. After all, I'm not attached to it, so I shouldn't choke under pressure, right?

It seems like a good plan, until the new account goes undefeated for two days straight. Now I'm anxious because I don't want to blow my winning streak.

I'm a mess...

The following board position happened in a game tonight against a Gnugo3(16k)(bot)on KGS. I tried to end the game and the progam went nuts, repeatedly marking its stones dead, alive, dead, alive. After ten minutes of beating my head against the keyboard in frustration, an observer pointed out the problem and I was finally able to end the game. Black to move.

4 Comments:

Blogger O_Scientist said...

LOL, I hope you can get over your rank obsessiveness soon. It got really bad for me at some point, and that's when I decided to turn off my rank. Now my main account is unranked, and I have a few R accounts on which i can play if I feel like playing a ranked game. One of them is a real sandbaggers account now, since I mainly use it when I am too tired to think :-p But I don't care, since it isn't tainting my main account :) Last night, I managed to play a self atari with it... It really is a mess up account for sure!

NannyOgg

2:02 PM  
Blogger Woodard said...

NannyOgg,

Thanks for your comments! Actually, I'm not as concerned about my actual rank on KGS as I am about the fact that I seem to play 3-4 stones worse under pressure. I'm in training right now for the North American Oza in January and I need to get over this before then.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Prof. Noriaki Kakyouin said...

My friend, it's the same for me. Rank is giving me a HUGE headache. For KGS I just gave up. But playing in Denver and in Colorado Springs on a constant basis really got me in the right mind.

I used to play online a lot and was very upset (I mean really terrified) when the people at the clubs kept telling me I was 5-7 stones stronger than I was on KGS.... I was 16k on KGS... but in real life I really am 11k!

Come to find out that KGS (as well as most online Go servers) can't judge your rank accurately.

Anyways, hang in there and keep working. I have been following your progress and am very happy that you are excited about the future of Go and your place in it.

3:03 PM  
Blogger LeisureGuy said...

It's difficult to be serene about rank, though I do try in my games on KGS and elsewhere to focus on finding the right move and letting the score and the rank take care of themselves, in the touching belief that finding the right move will result in won games. My problem is that after an intense game, win or lose, I'm reluctant to play again for a while, so clearly I'm attaching some importance to the game.

2:12 PM  

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